Helena Ericksson - History
Helena Ericksson - History
Contributed By
Author: Helena Ericksson
Birthdate: Oct 11, 1822
Written February 1, 1883 in Smithville, Arizona
Additional words, in brackets only, by Jay Mackley,
Helena Rosbery/Ericksson
[The Early Years]
I will write a few things that [have] happened through my life for my children and friends to read when I am gone. So you may see how the Lord has preserved my life until the present.
I [first] walked when I was nine months old and [I then] fell and cut a gash in my cheek. The scar remains to this day. This wound caused sores to break out on my face and eyes until I was almost blind.
When I was two years old, I laid my head over my mothers head to protect her from my fathers wickedness. He threw a knife at her [and] it passed my eyes and went into the wall. She thanked the Lord that it did not kill me.
When I was going on seven years old, someone scared me while I was upstairs and I jumped out of the window - but it never hurt me.
In the spring when I was fourteen, I stood on some ice that was in very deep water [and] it cracked all around and left me standing there. I fell on one sheet and laid there until, through my exertion, I made my way to the bank. I never thanked the Lord for it [at the time] as I have done since although I was very religious.
I always read much and never danced [because] I thought it was a sin. I always wished to the Lord that I had lived in the days of the Savior so I could have followed Him.
When I was twenty-two years old, I broke a vein in my breast. My life was nearly gone and while I was sick I had a dream that I was in heaven and I saw so many things that tongue cannot tell for I never realized at that time that the Gospel would be presented to me in it's fullness, as it was later.
[MARRIAGE AND CHILDREN]
On April 7, 1849 I was married to Carl Rosbery in Malma, Sweden to whom I have born eleven children. I will here record their name and dates of birth:
Caroline Helena Aug 14, 1850 died in infancy [cause unknown]
Anna Augusta Jan. 29, 1853 died in infancy [cause unknown]
Anna Maria Sep 2, 1855
Neils Joseph Sep 20, 1858 twin
Emma Carolina Sep 20, 1858 twin
Hanna Helena Oct. 2, 1861 twin
Charles Louis Oct. 2, 1861 twin
Elen Augusta Dec. 26, 1864 triplet died in infancy [cause unknown]
Louisia Christena Dec. 26, 1864
Helena Charlotte Dec. 26, 1864 triplet died in infancy [cause unknown]
Elizabeth Mar. 8, 1867
Standing in back: Joseph, Annie, Emma
Standing in front: Hannah, Father, Louisa, Mother holding Elizabeth, Charles.
[Conversion to "Mormonism"]
Just four years after I heard the first of Mormonism, I helped to build me a nice house. Then I went ten years before I heard the Gospel. I [had] wished to go to the Priest to find out how to be saved--but I was afraid to go.
The first Mormon I heard preach was Brother Wimbery. He was talking about the "thousand years to a man", but I dared not ask him what it meant. After that, I went to [a] meeting and the police were there writing the names of everyone listening to the Mormons to put them in prison. I thought the two brothers [Elders] looked more like angels than men. I only heard them sing and pray. I then went a half mile home with my hands clasped together and my heart full of prayer to God wishing he would show me if that was for my salvation. If it was, I would receive it [even] if I had to spend all my life in prison. When I got home, I knelt down to pray and behind me I saw a dark shadow shaming me for kneeling down but I kept kneeling and praying every day and going to listen to the Mormons.
A short time later one morning at six o'clock, I was wide awake but could not get my eyes open. I saw a man standing behind me dressed in a white robe. I did not know at the time what a robe was but it was white as snow. He read the whole of the 6th verse of the 20th chapter of John the Revelator. I took the book in my hand as soon as I got up and when I opened the book, the first thing I saw was the verse.
[Rev 20:6 - Blessed and holy is he that hath part in the first resurrection: on such the second death hath no power, but they shall be priests of God and of Christ, and shall reign with him a thousand years.]
At that time I did not know much about the Bible, so that gave me much faith from that time on.
My faith increased every day. I thought I had to go and be baptized but my husband and all my relatives were against me. My husband was the worst of them all. I will not tell much of my trouble but of my joy and happiness in the Lord.
Finally, I thought the priest must know about the Mormons, so I went to him. The evil one tempted me to go to him before I was baptized. I was ready to go [be baptized] and was begging and crying to my husband every day to let me go. Finally he told me I could go but it would be against his will. He thought I would not go against his will but I told him I would first do the Lords will and then do his afterward. So I went to the Priest, but he never saw me. When I got in the middle of the room, the Lord spoke to me and said "Get away from here and wait until you are called and you shall be given the words to answer him". I can never thank the Lord enough that the priest never saw me. I left the room in a hurry so no one could see me and went home.
My husband kept on against me and about that time the angel came to me again at six o'clock in the morning and told me so many high and holy things that I went to the Elders and told them every word and when I had told them it slipped out of my mind. At the same time the angel talked to me, my husband came and knocked at the door so I got up and opened it. He looked very sorrowful. The boat that he had on the sea had sunk loaded with rock. I told him I was thankful for that loss. I thought to myself [that] I could get him to be a Mormon but it took four years and a half after that. The next day he went on the other side of the sea on another boat to get part of his boat. I thought that was the last chance I had to get baptized, so the next night when everybody was asleep I went with Brother Lublow and another brother and sister to the seaside at twelve o'clock at night. Not a star was to be seen in the heavens. One evil spirit whispered on my left side and said "Don't you get baptized, your husband will not go with you" and the good spirit whispered on my right side and said "You get baptized and your husband will go with you, only it will take a long time." They kept on whispering to me until I came to the water. I thought of my mothers' words that the good spirit was on the right side and the evil on the left. The brethren kneeled to pray and I kneeled to pray so no one could hear me. I asked the Lord to give me wisdom that I might never shrink from my duty. Brother Lublow took me under his arm to go out in the sea and as soon as we stepped our feet into the water we were surrounded with a circle of glory from Heaven with sparks like fire moving along with us the half mile out in the sea to where the water was deep enough to baptize me. There the circle stopped until I was baptized, then it followed us out [back] again. Brother Lublow said he had never seen a sign like that before. I can never tell [you] how happy I was. I felt like a new born babe when I put on my dry clothes and kneeled down and thanked the Lord for His goodness to me. When we raised up, we all saw a big half-circle of light close in front of us over the sea. Those with me did not know that I prayed. That light stayed there until we came to my house a mile and a half away. I called my hired girl to come see the big light but when she came it was gone. Later she said "Come and see, there are three bright stars over the kitchen door" but when I got there they were gone. She said that shall be a sign to you and me that we will join the church. There was not another star to be seen that night. The girls name was Matilda [and] we sat together in the dark and talked all night. There was a clear light in every corner of the room and we rejoiced exceedingly all night.
After a few days my husband came home and when he found out I had been baptized my trouble commenced for he said "What will you do now if I go and kill myself?" and he ran away saying "Now you have parted us." He went to my sister and told [her] that I was baptized and that he had left me and she said [to my husband], "You had better hurry home for you know how bad she feels when you are away", and he came home. He found me crying bitterly, so it was all he could do to console me for I thought he had killed himself and the fault would be mine and [that] the Lord would be displeased with me.
My sister went to the priest that I mentioned before and he said "Hurry and bring her over here before she goes to deep into Mormonism." So my sister came and asked me to go with her. We went and that feeling of fear and sorrow left me and I felt light as a bird and the word of the Lord to me was fulfilled so I had plenty to answer the priest. He asked me if I was a Mormon and I said "Yes I am. I have not come here to be converted by you for I know it is a true gospel sent to us and I have come to ask you what you think of it. There stands the scriptures that says that the Lord will send out fishers in the last days and afterwards he will send out hunters in the last days to gather his elect.
[Jeremiah 16:14-16
14 Therefore, behold, the days come, saith the LORD, that it shall no more be said, The LORD liveth, that brought up the children of Israel out of the land of Egypt;
15 But, The LORD liveth, that brought up the children of Israel from the land of the north, and from all the lands whither he had driven them: and I will bring them again into their land that I gave unto their fathers.
16 Behold, I will send for many fishers, saith the LORD, and they shall fish them; and after will I send for many hunters, and they shall hunt them from every mountain, and from every hill, and out of the holes of the rocks.]
I dreamed the other night that you were out hunting so I thought you were one of them. For the Lord commandeth everyone to be baptized and have hands laid on [them] for the gift of the Holy Ghost by one having authority and the signs shall follow those that believe." He answered me saying "The Lord help me that I may not be so foolish as to be a Mormon." And he said to my sister, "Oh what shall we do? She has gone to far in it [and] we cannot get her back." I said that had not come to be turned back. I was afraid to talk to him before [because] I thought he was better than I was but now I know he is not better than I am for I was filled with the spirit and could explain the scriptures to him.
I asked him what it meant by the stick of Judah and Ephraim being welded together [Ezekiel 37:15-20]. He said it meant that Israel should plant two grapevines and they should grow together and be one. I told him it was the Bible and the Book of Mormon. The Bible is the record of the Jews and the Book of Mormon is the record of the Ephraimites. Then he took the Bible away from me and said it was to high for me to understand. He told me if I would deny Mormonism and come to him I could be a great help to him in preaching to his congregation for he had a big meeting all the time for the women. He said he had never heard any person who could explain so much of the scriptures as I could. I told him it was the spirit of the Lord that told me what I should say and if I should deny the testimony I had received, the Lord would withdraw His spirit and I could not explain and comprehend the scripture. My testimony to the Priest was powerful so much so that he got another priest and came to my house ten times and tried to turn me from Mormonism.
My own husband and all present hoped to see me deny the truth but the spirit of the Lord was with me and they all got a good testimony from me then. The last time the priest was at my house I told him it was a shame for him to bring another priest with him to dispute with me about the scriptures. I said "Come alone if you wish to know whether Mormonism is true and let us kneel down and pray together and ask the Lord to show you how to explain the scriptures." Then he turned to the other priest and said "That is just what we have to do as Mrs. Rosbery says." Then he left me for a year.
Mormonism was just being introduced in Malma and everyone that joined was hunted like wild beasts to be destroyed. My trouble for four and a half years was more that I can describe with pen. I was the only one in his [my husbands] family and mine that joined the church. I fasted and prayed many times to know what I should do to get my husband saved. Finally, the Elders gave me counsel that I would have to leave him for awhile but promise to come back again if he wanted me. They said they would rather be in prison than be in my place at this time.
[Helena Rosberg - Emigrant]
I had two children, [Caroline Helena & Anna Gustafa]. One of them died [Anna] and this softened the heart of my husband a little so I told him it was better for us to go to Denmark to live because he said he could never be a Mormon in Sweden where everybody knew him. I asked if I could go then and he could come next spring. He said "Yes" and I said "Give me your hand" and he did so. He did not think I could leave him [and] he had told me so many times to go but I dared not go to anyone to help me for the neighbors watched me so closely to tell him when he come home.
So when he went out in the country to work, I went to the head priest, who did not know I had joined the Mormons, and asked him to give me a recommend to a higher officer so I could get a greater recommend, for in those days no woman could get a recommend without her husbands' consent. So you see, the Lord blinded the eyes of the priests and they gave me a good recommend. I told them I wished to go on a visit to Denmark to see relatives. So you can see how the Lord worked in my behalf. I took the money we had and put it in the bank, I never took a cent of it. I fixed the things in the house and got my mother to stay there. Only taking a few changes of clothes and my little three year old girl (Caroline Helena), I bid farewell to my mother and neighbors and started alone for another nation [1850-51].
My mother wept bitterly for not one of them knew that I was going until that minute. The Spirit spoke to me on the road and said "You cannot go this morning, your husband will overtake you." I thought he was so far away that he could not [overtake me] but they sent word to him that I had left and if he did not bring me back that I would go to America. When I came to the sea with the brethren that were there, there was something to fix on the ship before we could go. While I was standing there my husband came up and took my girl away from me and hired two men to take my trunk back and ordered me to go before him. So I went as fast as I could. When passing a house where a sister in the Gospel lived, I threw my bundle in at the door with my girls clothes and suit of my own and money enough for my fare and my passport and told her to take care of it and went on. Then he [Rosbery] told the two men that brought my trunk from the sea to watch for me that I should not make any escape if I came there again. Then he went to his work and I sat there and cried all day alone until I went to a neighbors to borrow some clothes to put on, for he had left me in my petticoat. I had plenty of clothes in my other chest and bureau but I did not wish to break it open, for he had taken the keys with him. I went to see a Brother who told me the Spirit told him if I did not go tomorrow [that] I never could, for my husband would get power over [me] to keep me from going. So I got my bundle of clothes and went him and told my little girl I would try again to go the next morning. We got up at 3 o'clock in the morning and started. It was two miles to the sea. When I got to the ship, I thought I would go aboard before daylight so no one would see me but there were two men and a woman there. They said, "Are you going to leave your man again? We are going to watch you." So I went to a friend who was not a Mormon and got him to carry my girl to the ship. When it was ready to start, the two men that were watching me went after two policemen to take me.
When they came they asked me why I was going to leave my man. I could not answer them one word for if they had taken me I think I should have died in their hands for I had not eaten anything for two days but had been fasting and praying and crying for I knew if I did not go it would be worse for me. For the Lord says "He that will not leave father, mother, brothers and sisters, houses and lands, for my sake is not worthy to by my disciple."
[ Matthew 11:37-38, He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And he that taketh not his cross, and followeth after me is not worthy of me.
Luke 10:29-31, And Jesus answered and said, Verily I say unto you, there is no man that hath left house, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands for my sake, and the gospels, but he shall receive an hundredfold now in this time, houses, and brethren, and sisters, and mothers, and children, and lands, with persecutions; and in the world to come, eternal life. But many that are first shall be last; and the last first. ]
I cannot tell even half of what I have suffered but the Lord enabled me to do this to prove my integrity. I left all that was near and dear to me for I loved the Lord more that anything on earth.
The captain of the ship was attracted by the police and he came to me and asked me if I had any papers so I handed him those recommends I had received from the priest. When he read them he said "You can go to America if you wish." But the ship went to Denmark.
I have gotten ahead of my story so I shall go back to several conversations I had with the priest before going to Denmark.
The Priest invited me and three other women to come see him and when we got there he had his Bible laying on the table. He was preaching to try and convert those sisters and I asked him if I could read and he answered "No." He said, "I have called you here today and if you don't want to here me I shall send you to the Bishop and if you don't mind him you shall be sent to prison." Then he commenced to preach and talk about our brethren and our prophets, making fun of them, and asked how long I thought the Lord was if I thought Jesus was three yards long. I told him I thought Jesus was like other men in stature. He then said for me to quit answering him so much; to be good like other women. I told him I could not bear to hear him lie about my God, and my brethren, that the Bible that he professed to believe taught him that God created man in his own image. "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created him; male and female created he them." [Genesis 1:27] He then asked me if I would speak five minutes and him five. I told him I would not, "I do not presume to ask my Father in Heaven to give me a certain length of time to speak." For here we can see the fulfillment of the scriptures where it says where it says "When you come before the priest, you shall know how to answer him." [Matthew 10:19, But when they deliver you up, take no thought how or what ye shall speak: for it shall be given you in that same hour what ye shall speak.] I went home and told the brethren about the priest sending for the women thinking to convert us back to Catholicism and how I answered him and they were make to rejoice exceedingly because of the Spirit of the Lord that was with me in answering the priest--according to the scriptures. I was so full of the Spirit I thought if I was a man I could go and preach the Gospel and refute all the arguments the learned priests could bring to establish their doctrines.
At another meeting, there came another priest, a friend of mine, to break up our meeting and just as he commenced a big discourse to us there came a strange man who took him and cast him out of the house. The next day I met him [the priest friend] and told him I had much I would like to speak about and he said "I would like to ask you some questions, if you will come to my house tomorrow at one o'clock." I went and he sat at one end of the table and I sat at the other and he could not commence so I had to begin. I asked him if he believed the Bible was going to fulfilled as predicted by the prophets [and] that God would set up his kingdom in the last days and gather the elect from the four quarters of the earth. I also asked him if he believed we were made in the image of God. He said, "Of course, I believe what the Bible says." I [then] asked many more questions [and] the conversation lasted until dark. He told me I was all right--if I would deny Mormonism. I told him I could not deny the truth. Jesus says, "Those that are ashamed of me and deny me before men I will deny before my Father which is in Heaven."
[Matthew 10:33, But whosoever shall deny me before men, him will I also deny before my Father which is in heaven].
I said, "If you are a servant of God and have the words of eternal life, go and teach the people and promise me that you will not persecute the Mormons any more. Jesus never taught his disciples to destroy anybody." He said, I have not the time. All I can do is keep a record of the dead and the marriages that take place. I am placed as a father of the sheep and when the wolf comes to take my sheep, I am bound to take a course to drive the wolves away." He called the Mormons the wolves and the Catholics the sheep. When I told the Elders about this conversation with the priest, it caused them to rejoice in our persecutions at this time.
There was a brother and sister that were taken out of a meeting by a mob and put in prison for three weeks. Each had a separate room and they were fed on bread and water. The sister said when she went into the room assigned her in the prison, she smelled new baked bread and she made up her mind that she would not taste bread nor water but fast and pray during the stay in prison. She just rinsed her mouth with the water every morning. At the close of the three weeks she had eighteen pounds of bread saved to show for the truth of this statement but she was very weak. The Elders administered to her until she got well. I can testify that the gift of healing has been with me. I have been healed by the laying on of hands and have laid hands upon my children and they have been healed.
Now I will commence my journey to Denmark. I arrived all safe but had no home nor friends in a strange land. With my little girl to take care of, I had not a cent nor a change of clothes which made it very difficult for me to get along. I was weighted down with sorrow but I put my trust in God and called on Him for help. At length there was a man that took me in and put my name in the city record so no one could take me away from there. I then wrote to my husband and told him where he could find me if he wanted me for he had told me repeatedly to go to hell or anywhere if I could find anybody that would support me. Notwithstanding all the trouble we had he read my letter and came after me. The folks where I lived got him to go to a meeting. Viderburg preached that day and my man said it was the most wonderful sermon he ever heard. After the meeting the brethren all came after him to convert him. I had to go home with him because I had promised the brethren I would not leave him--but it was a trial for me to go back to my native land. The night we got back to our own house I asked Rosbery if he would kneel down and pray with me. He said, "I guess you don't think I have prayed before. When I came home and found you gone, I knelt down and prayed here alone." Here we can see how the Lord works in mysterious ways to humble His children. Before I left him I had to go far away from the house to pray when he was at home. He tried to make me cook on Sunday but I thought it was a sin until I found out the rest of the Mormons did it and then I did not make a practice of cooking much on Sunday. After we came home the Mormons came and ate with him and stayed with him. Before that he had driven them away when they came but they all had so much faith that he would be baptized sometime.
A brother who was almost ready to go to America promised me I should go if it cost ever so much--[that] he would deliver me for I was too good a woman to stay in Sweden.
One evening when Rosbery came home I asked him if he would go and be baptized. [I said], "If you don't I will leave you the second time and never come back again." He said, "There is something speaks to me and says don't be in a hurry" and I said "It is the devil that speaks to you to keep you from your duty. He tempts everyone." So he said, "If I thought so I would go right straight to be baptized--which he did!" One month from the time he was baptized, he was appointed secretary of the branch and became a good Saint, paid his tithes and offerings, and was faithful in all things.
One year later, the same brother that promised to help me came back from Denmark to settle his business in Sweden and wanted us to go with him to America. The President said he could not release Rosbery from being secretary so Brother Sorensin said he would write to the President of Denmark and ask him if we could go. He wrote back to our President to let us go.
I had two babies just born [Neils Joseph Sep 20, 1858 twin
Emma Carolina Sep 20, 1858 twin] and only three weeks to get ready. It seemed that I had all I could do to attend to my small children but I had always said [that] the minute the way opened for me to go [that] I would be ready. We could not sell our property [and] we had to leave it, so in the morning at early candlelight we started just like we were going to town. Rosbery took the oldest child [Annie Marie, 3], I took my two babies [Neils and Emma. Caroline Helena died Mar 12, 1858] and two men carried a sack with a cradle and all our things. I had three dresses prepared for the journey and the cradle was made so we could take it to pieces and set it up when we stopped. When we got to the sea, Rosbery gave my sisters' man all our property we had left. He gave Rosbery eight dollars for it which was all he had. My youngest sister said she would not say good-bye but would rather see me go to the grave than across the sea. My other sister followed me and her daughter stood and wept over me until the ship was ready to go. I tried to hide my sorrow that they might not see me weep. I was not sorry to leave my native land but mourned that I could not get my relatives to believe the Gospel. I thought I was like Joseph sold into Egypt. I left them never expecting to see them again.
[Helena Rosbery - Pioneer]
The Lord blessed me and I was not sick like the others. We only stopped one night in Denmark then we went on a ship to go to England. We were crowded like a load of sheep, and suffered for eight days though it only took three days in fair weather. The captain said he had not encountered such a storm for twelve years. I sat for three days and nights and could not move with my babies. All the others were so sick they could not help each other and did not know what minute we might be drowned. Brother Widderberg lay in his room praying all the time. He came to us once in a while and said, "Be patient, the Lord will help us--we will not be lost." So we came to a place called Grimsby. We stopped there a few hours then took the railroad to Liverpool. We got there at ten o'clock at night and had to go on the ship for America before daylight next morning. I started on a five weeks voyage with the few clothes I left home in. We had expected to get plenty [of clothes] in England when we left most of our clothes at home--but having to start at daylight, we had no chance to get anything which made it very difficult for me with my three small children. I never was in bed but sat on the floor on my featherbed, rocking the cradle [and] sometimes holding to two posts to keep from getting hurt when the ship lay on its side.
At last we landed at New York City. I told them they would have to take my children and take care of them for I could not move my limbs from sitting so long. They said if I could not go they would take me to the sick house and leave me there, so I make a hard struggle to go. I did not want to be left.
We took the railroad to the steamboat landing on the Missouri river where the mob surrounded us and very nearly drowned us. We took the steamboat to Florence, Nebraska (Winter Headquarters). We expected to stop at Florence but received counsel from President Young to go on to Utah. We then started the twelve hundred mile journey across desert plains pulling a hand-cart. This required great faith for me to walk and carry my babies some of the time. If the Lord had not blessed me, I never could have lived through it for before we left the ship we thought we would starve. I was begging bread and a man gave me the last he had for my little children.
We had to carry enough provisions on the hand-cart to last us a week besides our bedding and clothing. Two hundred pounds of flour was to much for us to pull so Rosbery and another man took one of the sacks of flour back and told them we could not pull so much as we had too many children. I had to walk and carry one of my babies and help pull the cart for many weeks until my feet begin to swell up. I had to ride some but it was so crowded I would rather walk as long as I possibly could.
I cannot tell all I suffered on that journey but the Lord knows it. One day the wagon tipped over and broke my hip so they had to carry me to the tent every night, and there I lay on the ground with a few things under my head and a baby on each arm. The reason I had bedding and clothing [was because] a boy hid most of my things to keep them from being thrown away as they were not allowed to haul many things. Rosbery got sick of starvation and could not pull the hand-cart any longer. About this time Joseph Young passed us and told the Captain to give us a pound and a half more flour per day or we would not be able to go any farther--but we did not get more. When the captain saw we were about to starve, he had an ox killed. The small share I got of that, I kept mostly for my children. When we came to Green River, I bought three pounds of flour and traded two pillows for some shorts (flour) which enabled me to keep my children from starving.
At Green River, the company parted [and] twenty four hand-carts went on as fast as they could to meet the teams with provisions from Salt Lake. It was a happy time when they met those teams and if they had not brought provisions when they did we might have starved at this time. There was an old woman who rode in the wagon who saw I was nearly dead, so she took my babies from me and kept them in the wagon. This enabled me to live until we overtook the company that had met the wagons with the provisions. When we camped at night, those who came to meet us would have to go back and gather up those who lay on the roadside [who were] not able to get to camp. Pen cannot tell all I have passed through but by the grace of God I have passed through fiery trials and expect to get my reward. I never wished myself back in my native land, but hope to stand as a savior in my Fathers house.
We arrived in Salt Lake City [in] September 2, 1859. Apostle Erastus Snow sat upon his horse in the midst of the camp and preached to us. I was not able to go out as I was still lame from my broken hip. The people were very kind to come and bring ready cooked food (the others had plenty but I did not get any). When I went out to the camp fire, there were many sisters [which] sat around who had gotten more to eat than I had. But a woman came with a very large load of bread and asked me if I wanted it. I said yes. I thought the Lord had sent here for I could not speak one word of English. It was hard for me to express my gratitude to her but the Lord will bless those who administer to the least of His saints.
In two months we left Salt Lake City for Sanpete County, to make a home among strangers in a strange land. However, we stopped in Provo and my husband got work and bought eight bushels of wheat to take with us as this place had not been settled a year which was not long enough to raise a crop, so I had to live very sparingly. I sifted the bran and ate that bran when the flour gave out. Rosbery went to work for the Bishop in a mill and once in awhile he could get a half bushel of wheat which we would grind on a small mill. The rest of his pay he never has gotten. The Saints donated fast offerings, but Higgins and Thursquin used that. When they found that I had none, they gave it to me a few times. When the spring came, it was time to put in grain. I went to see a man who raised a good deal to see if he would loan us some to plant but he refused to do so. However, he let Rosbery have one bushel for work. He apostatized before the year was out. There was a Sister who told me to take a pint of that wheat and she would give me a pint to plant in my garden. I planted that quart of wheat and I raised eight bushels and Rosbery twenty-five, so you see how the Lord can give the increase and bless in time of need.
My husband went to hunt work three times to Mount Pleasant and Sanpete before he got work in a grist mill. But [he] could only get three pounds of flour per day and the rest in lumber. I had to go and beg milk every day to eat with the bread and I cried because I had not been used to begging. I was confined again with twins and then bread was scarce and I had to pick greasewood twice a day and cook it to eat. Some of the people had thistles and roots. The Bishop sent all around to gather up what wheat the people had to divide among the poor. Instead of dividing it with the poor, he sent two men out to sell it for stock. Whoever had a cow or a sheep to give for a hundred pounds of flour could get it but Rosbery would not give his cow or sheep for flour so we didn't get any. They divided it out a couple of times to those that did not have any and charged them ten dollars for grain and twelve dollars for flour. When fall came, the Bishop only paid back a peck for a bushel to the people he had gotten the wheat from. His own son told his sister that he had sold many hundred pounds to the gold mines at twenty-five dollars per hundred [pounds].
I will now tell what poor condition I was in when my three babies were born. I had three little girls at one birth when there was scarcely any clothing or provisions to be had. We were destitute of the necessities of life and I suffered until I thought of the Savior and how he hung on the cross nine hours. My four older children had the measles when these [triplets] were born and I was left alone that night except for Rosbery. He went to sleep on the floor and I could not call him when I commenced to faint away so I threw a cloth in his face to wake him and he got up to give me something to help me. The next Sunday, a Sister told her husband to go to the Bishop and tell him to call on the people to donate a cow for me, for it would be a sin to let the babies starve. They donated a cow and when she went dry we bought another on trust. The babies weighed six pounds apiece and grew fast. I tended them with the help of my small children.
When spring came the Bishop called on the people to donate oxen and wagons to send for the emigrants and told Rosbery to donate an ox. He had one yoke that had been to the states the year before and one [yoke] that was not as old as they required them to be, to send. So the Bishop made Rosbery buy an ox that cost forty bushels of wheat and sent men to take the pay out of our hands. We had two pigs and they took them and seven hundred feet of lumber, a heifer and ten bushels of wheat--which left me and my family almost destitute. Some of the Brethren told Rosbery not to let them have it, but Rosbery let it go. He expected to have his reward for it, sometime.
Then there was a call made for beef for the soldiers that guarded the Indians. We had another steer they killed. It weighed five hundred pounds and I asked the Bishop to let us have half of it but he would not [agree]. But the butcher paid me for it. He thought it was a sin the way we were treated. I told the Bishop [that] me and my children would be against him in the resurrection.
While I was passing all of this privations and sorrow, I went out to pray to the Lord to take me out of the world or else help me in some way [so] that I could live without seeing my children go hungry. One night after I had been praying to die, I went to sleep and all of the children were asleep and I dreamed I went into the world of spirits. I came to a large room and saw a girl who had died recently. She came to meet me and said, "Well, you have come." I said "I see you have natural things here the same as we have where I come from" [and] she said "Yes, things are natural here the same as there." She said, "When you go back, you will call this a dream or vision, but just as sure as you have seen this you have been here yourself." And I saw and heard many things and asked about them but she said they were too high and holy for the world to know, [that] they couldn't bear to know it. Then she said, "Live and fulfill you mission on earth so you can go into Jackson County." I went two steps to the right to see the new ground the Lord had prepared for the Saints to dwell upon. It was very beautiful but small. She said that as fast as the Saints prepared to go there, the Lord would make it bigger. Then she took me into a larger room full of small children and women tending them. They had fine playthings made of beautiful feathers and it looked like crowns of beads on the ends of the feathers. They had baskets of beautiful pears to eat. I asked her if my girl was there and she said "Yes, you passed her and she felt bad because you did not talk to her." I asked if I could go back and see her and talk to her but she said "No, you have not time now." She followed me on to the door. When it opened, she said she had to go back, and I went in. There was a desk across the room and behind it stood Jesus and one of the Apostles to assist him in writing the names of those that were worthy in the Book of Life. He looked very beautiful. I cannot express with words how happy I felt. There were a number of women sitting around Jesus' feet looking upon Him. A man dressed in white stood by, ready to follow me to this earth. In the corner of that room to the right I saw a small door open and a thread like a telegraph wire made of pure gold. When I took hold of it, I woke up and was in my bed. My children were still sleeping and I told my husband how happy I was and where I had been and what I had seen. Now I wanted to live and take care of my children and endure all that was necessary to prepare me to go to that land that Jesus had prepared for His people to dwell upon.
Before we left Santiquin to go to Sanpete, Rosbery wanted to go north and I wanted to go south and I dreamed I went south with a small company. We went until we came to a big mountain. It reached almost to the sky. It looked like rocks and there was a little gate to go in. We went in and the Brethren took shovels and filled up the gate so no one could find us there. I had all my children with me but did not see Rosbery there. Then I knelt down with my children around me and prayed to the Lord and told my children to be faithful to the Gospel, "for this is the only way for you to be saved [and] if your father and mother should die and leave you, remember to call on your Heavenly Father." Here I awoke. I have not seen this dream fulfilled but some of the Elders tell me there is a hiding place for the Saints to the south. Here we can see the fulfillment of the thirty-sixth chapter of Ezekiel.
While we lived in Sanpete they tried my faith so much I thought if I only could see Brigham Young I would tell him our circumstances and he would see to it that those in authority did not take our property to send for the emigrants when we were not able to give it without suffering.
In 1867 we moved to Santiquin. We stopped there a little over a year and planted a crop of wheat and the grasshoppers came and ate it up. Rosbery got work and got a little wheat and we had to eat the bran. When he could no longer get work there [in Santiquin] he went to the railroad to get work. He said he did not like to go for it was just like going to his death. He went and I sat in that deep cellar with seven little children. If I could explain my feeling to whoever may read this story, they could not help shedding tears. But the next week he sent me flour from Salt Lake that he got from a man that he worked for. And from that day to this to this I never have wanted for bread.
Before this I never could ask my children to my table but had to give them a piece in the hand. That was a hard thing to do but since Rosbery died I can always ask them to the table. So it looks to me like all those troubles come upon that man so he was bound to leave us.I was sick for months after he went to Salt Lake. I had to walk three miles to the field to look after the boys while they watered the land. One of them was nine and the other was seven years old. The grasshoppers took the second crop of wheat and when the corn was half grown, the cattle got in and ate it. The cattle belonged to Holiday and I never got two cents for it. I wrote to Rosbery and told him about it and he said he would have to stop one month longer to get bread for us. I was sick and he was very uneasy for fear I would not live until he got home but I knew by my feeling that something was the matter with Rosbery. When a man came and handed me a letter and fifty-five dollars from Rosbery, I said, "I am glad to get it. It is as if I had received it from his own hands but I fear I never shall be glad any more." And he said, "It is only three days since I left him and he was all right." Rosbery received a letter from me the second of November. He wrote on this same letter a few lines and on the fifth he was hurt. That man did not know it but my spirit knew, for I cried every day. Rosbery lived nine days after he was hurt. The morning he died I went out in the garden and took hold of an apple tree and cried aloud. I then went to town to see if I could hear from him. I saw a man from the railroad [and] he said Rosbery was sick but not very bad. I did not believe it. I thought he was awfully sick. I went home with a sad heart and that night when I put my children to bed, I sat down to write him a letter but I cried so that I could not read when it was done at twelve o'clock. I heard walking and talking outside the cellar and I was frightened for fear of the Indians as they camped nearby. I thought they had come to kill us. But when the Bishop opened the door my blood ran chill. He asked me what I was doing and I said I have just written a letter to my husband. He said he had just received a telegram that he was dead and had come to ask me what I wanted done with him. I said to bring him home. He said "It will cost you too much." I said "If it costs me ever so much, bring him home and I will pay it sometime, if I only can get him brought home." They went and telegraphed back to bury him there without counselling with me whether I would go and see if I could get the body brought home or not. Oh cruel unfeeling man! If it had been some rich man they would not have acted so unfeelingly as to leave me there alone that sorrowful night. I cried aloud and my little fatherless children awoke from their sweet slumber to join in my grief and add bitterness to my woe. Only those who have missed a parent from their family can realize my feelings that sad and lonely night.
The Apostle Paul said he had suffered by the sea and by the land but of all suffering--false brethren was the worst. I can say the same because those whom I expected to be my friends were my enemies. A Swedish man named Peter Nielson was much against me. I had thought he would be a friend to me. I was obliged to leave my children and go out to work. Three men promised me that they would tend to my grain and haul my wheat home but they did not do it and it lay in the field until the cattle ate it up. So I was out working all summer [and] I was quite sick but did not quit work for I had to support my children. One day they came and told me that the man who had charge of the herd had given it up and all my sheep were lost. The next day they told me all my wheat was destroyed and I said like Job, "The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away and blessed by the name of the Lord."
Mrs. Jacobson wrote a letter to the family I worked for and told them not to let me stay there any longer [and] to drive me home because I did not take care of my children. This hurt me worse that losing my property. Mrs. Jacobson apostatized later. Every person that injures the Lord's poor will pay the penalty.
[Helena Rosbery - Faithful Saint]
While I was in Salt Lake I went to see George Cannon and told him all my circumstances. He gave me ten dollars and told me he would see Brigham Young and tell him. They wrote a letter to Bishop Holiday telling him to give me of the tithing to support my children, so I went home to Ephram. I had accomplished by mission. The letter he sent to the Bishop enabled me to keep my children in school all winter and we had plenty to eat. The people were very kind to me and I tried to be very careful for I felt that I was living on the Lords means. I heard that people who worked on the railroad donated money for me but I never got it. All who have mistreated me and kept my means have had bad luck or have apostatized or have gone some other way. I would never wish to see any of my Brothers or Sisters hurt themselves because of the actions of leading men as every person is accountable for their own acts.
One night I dreamed that I stood upon a big mountain. When I looked two steps down I saw a black sea [and] I could not see the end of it. A man and his wife came and took me by the hands and said "Come up quick." When I woke up I thought of my dream and I did not wish any more to hurt or injure any of the leading Elders.
When they started to establish the Order, I thought it was a principle we must receive. I had said my garden was as dear to me as my children, but I thought I could sell it for the Orders sake. When I left Santaquin I had to stop in Gunnison with two of my children while the rest went to Richfield. I stopped in Gunnison because Bishop Horn supported me with the tithing and kept my children in school all winter. He was the best Bishop I ever lived under or was led by. He was a son of M. K. Horn of Salt Lake City. She is Stake President of [the] Relief Society of Salt Lake County. I shall never forget Bishops Horns kindness to me. I pray the Lord to bless and prosper him for he is what a Bishop should be--a father to the fatherless.
I went from Gunnison to Richfield on a visit and they were baptizing the people unto the United Order. They told me if I wished to come they would treat me like other people so I took my children and went and was baptized into the Order. I did not have [even] a piece of bread when I left Gunnison and joined the Order in Richfield so I borrowed eight pounds of flour and the next week I went out and gleaned half a bushel of wheat to grind for bread. We kept on gleaning to get our bread and Charlie earned some flour which he gave me. When I had been in the Order three months, they had me charged seventy-eight dollars in debt. We worked and did all we could to help ourselves and when I asked them for two pounds of meat, Segmiller and Postmaster Miller said we never could get anything until we got credit, for it would make the Order poor [otherwise]. So I never got any. I was sick at the time and two of the Brethren found out that they had refused me and they were so sorry for me that they brought me ten pounds of meat. I went to Segmiller and asked him if I could get my name in the Order so I could work and get credit but he said I could not get my name in until I paid him twenty-five dollars. I thought the Order was so pure and holy that no one could do wrong but I thought it was awful that I had to pay twenty-five dollars to get nearer to the Lord.
Before the Order broke up they had five gentile lawyers and a great deal of trouble and suffering. Segmiller and Thurber seemed determined to run it whether the people were willing or not. The last time Brigham Young was there before he died he told Patriarch McBride to do all he could to break up the Order and patted him on the shoulder and said "The Lord will bless you and I will bless you if you will." I was afraid it was not the Lords will to break it up and I fasted and prayed that if it was not from the Lord it would break up and if it was from the Lord it would stand. When I went to the meeting my heart was lifted up in prayer. Now I will tell you what I saw the day we met to dissolve the Order. I was praying that the Lords will might be done and that the Brethren might speak by the Holy Spirit when the president of the board rose up and called on the members of board, the Bishops, and all he thought proper in his own estimation, to speak--purposely to take up the time and tell the people how bad it was to break up the Order, etc. When Bishop Lewis stood up I saw a hand put over his mouth so that he could not speak much. He talked about the Prophet Joseph and Nauvoo and the past. Then Patriarch McBride got up like a young man with great power and spoke about the same subject but told it in a different light. He was full of the Spirit of the Lord and I saw the Prophet Joseph stand by him on his right side and Brigham Young on his left side. They put their hands upon his head and he spoke with great power. When I told him what I had seen he said he had felt a power there on that occasion that sustained him. The President of the Board got up and contradicted McBride but McBride make him take it back then and there. The President of the Board told us that Thurbur and Segmiller could not be at the meeting but they had told him not to let the Order be broken up. Just as he said that I saw a knife put to his throat and he was as white as a dead man. At the same time, another power was there for as soon as a motion was made to dissolve, the devil was mad and the wind blew terribly so that we could not see across the bowery. But the good spirit was there too for the board and the people agreed to dissolve the Order. They agreed to forgive the missionaries and widows freely, then the board of directors wanted to keep one hundred dollars that was coming to my son until my debt was paid. If they had settled as soon as they dissolved, it would have been a blessing to the stockholders.
About this time my son Joseph was called by President Young to go on a mission to Arizona and they told him [that] if he would stay in the Order until fall, they would give him a good outfit. But the Order broke up and he did not get any outfit nor even as much as he put into the Order. Some Elders came out to teach the directors of the Order how to divide just after they had dissolved and how to divide the property with all the widows, but they did not pay any attention to their counsel.
We started for Arizona in 1878. I had all my children with me but two. It took up five months to get to Brigham City in Arizona because of high water. Since I have come to Arizona, I have been blessed with friends and plenty to eat most of the time. Then Patriarch McBride came to live neighbor to me in Smithville (Pima) in fulfillment of a prophecy that he made to me years ago. He had said if I would go to the corner of Arizona, New Mexico and Old Mexico, he would meet me there for the time would come when we would have to go farther. It was hard work coming to Arizona at that time. The boys, George and Joseph, traveled all over the country but could not find a place that suited them. Finally, Joseph went to Brigham City, Arizona to work while I went with my daughter Hannah back to St. George, Utah to be married to George Larson (November 6, 1878). I left the two younger girls a Lot Smiths camp in Sunset. I also wished to bring my younger son, Charles, back to Arizona. He had been left in Utah among the apostates and wicked who were about to destroy him. I almost had to leave my daughters there but through my faith and prayers I was able to bring them all back again to Arizona in 1879. I took the girls from Sunset and went to Snowflake to find a home for my family. There were but two houses in Snowflake and one in Walkerplace that were vacant. Three days before I went there, I wished that the Lord would show me where to go to find a house. I dreamed that a man stood before me and said "You travel three days more and then stop."
In the evening of the third day I looked over the beautiful valley of Snowflake and thought to myself, there will be a place for us to find a home. The boys did not want to stop there but I did not leave. Some men were going to explore the Gila Valley but the boys did not go with them. Charlie met two young fellows who wanted him to go to Prescott and change their names so no one would know them. I prayed to the Lord night and day to deliver him lest I might lose him again and he gave them half of his provisions and they went on without him from Brigham City. Later, all my boys went to Round Valley while I stayed in Snowflake with the girls. When they had built a house they came for us so we went with them, leaving my home in Snowflake. I had raised enough wheat in Snowflake to last a year for bread. I stayed with them for one year. Louisa, Betsy and myself went out and sheared sheep and got one hundred fifty pounds of wool which we carded and spun into fifty pounds of wool for stocking yarn. We make ten quilts and did a great deal of hard work to get ready to go to the Gila. I then had plenty of everything but the work began to be very scarce so the boys had to borrow most of my grain for bread stuff or else go without for they could not get any work.
I then had but twenty pounds to start on my journey. Charlie had lost his horses in the Mogollon mountains and had been gone seven weeks looking for them so we had to go and leave him again or go without bread. We had not heard a word from him so we felt very bad to leave him not knowing what had happened to him. We did not hear from him until the middle of the summer of 1889 and in the fall he came to where we were. I had to travel over two hundred miles on foot over the mountains to drive my cattle. After we arrived on the Gila; Betsy and I were sick with the chills for three months. There were but eight families of Mormons on the Gila when we got there [and] they had been there but one year. I dreamed I saw Charlie and he said he would come by Christmas--which he did. I was very sick one day and I thought I would die. I only wished I could hold his hand for five minutes. While I lay thinking about him he came and said "Good evening, Mother." I jumped up as sick as I was. Betsy was out across the river at the warm spring, bathing in them for the chills. Before Charlie came to me, he heard about her and went and found her. He had never been in the valley before. The night before he came, Betsy had dreamed she had seen him come and jumped up to kiss him. When she saw him she jumped up as she had in here dream.
We had been there two years and had not heard any counsel from headquarters [because] no one came to visit us. In the fall of 1882, there were fourteen wagons [that] went to Snowflake for conference. Louisa went on to Utah to be married. Betsy and I came back home. Many times since, we have had Brethren and Apostles from Utah to help and encourage us in the work of the Lord which make our hearts rejoice. Sister East also came to preside over the Relief Society of the stake which was a great blessing to us. We could not do without her. She often spoke in tongues and blessed us in tongues. Patriarch McBride also met with us. We enjoyed the many meetings the few of us had.
In all our happy years after we had commenced to make us a home a dark cloud as of lightening came over our people, so our Brethren had had to leave their comfortable homes and families and seek refuge in a distant land. Some have had to be put in prison. Others hide in the mountains--all obeying the word of God. But we must not complain for the Lords will must be done. We know why we suffer. The gentiles have made laws that come in conflict with the laws of God and when that is so, we will obey the law of the Lord and let that of man go. We are a people who are accustomed to trials and persecution but we are happy in all our trouble for the Lord has said he would have a tried people. The time is not far distant when Zion will be redeemed and the righteous will then be free. Ever since I joined the church, I have always tried to do right as near as possible and am still trying--through fasting and prayer. I have had my prayers answered a great many times.
In obedience to the law of the Lord, I have given three of my daughters into Celestial marriage. One year after Louisa went to Dixie, Betsy went to be married to Jack Loving and I went with them. Also, Charlie [went] to get his endowments. I got my second sealing and had my children who were dead and Charles sealed to me. So I have Joseph, Hannah, and Annie yet to be sealed to me.
Charlie and Jack Loving went back to Arizona and I [was] left in Salt Lake in the winter without a cent of money. The four dollars I had, I had donated to the temple. I had a lot more work to do but I could not stay any longer without money so Brother Farnsworth told me if I could send the money he would see that the work was done for me. I wrote home for my daughter Hannah to sell my cow for whatever she could get and send me the money so I could come home on the railroad. When I got home, I borrowed ninety-five dollars from Brother East and sent it to the Temple to pay for my work. I paid him back in a short time. After the Easts went to Mexico, I make up my mind to go too. When I got there, I went out to work for three years and got money to buy a tenure of land. After that I took sick, so I sold it again because my children would not come out to help with it. I divided it [the money] among my children and gave Louisa a piece of land at Mathews Ward.
I love to make my home in [New] Mexico for the people there seem to live their religion more that in other places. I hope they get a temple built there so I may work there for the rest of my life. I have already donated fifty dollars to that temple so if I die I will have a share in it.
[Note: It is recorded in the Roseberry Book of Remembrance that Helena Ericksson donated the first money towards the building of the Arizona Temple by giving 5 dollars in 1887. She died Dec. 18, 1899. The site for the Arizona Temple was chosen in 1921 and the dedication was 1927.]
It looks to me like the other places that welcome people all have gone to sleep for it is said they would all go to sleep before the Savior came and it looks like it is the hardest time I have seen for forty years since I became a Mormon for the people don't tend to their duties. Brigham Young said at the last conference I heard him speak in before he died, "I leave you as a people to yourself to work out your own salvation for you have gone so far astray I cannot lead you any longer. We can see the pride of the people and the carelessness and wickedness have grown faster and faster and we can see the prophecy of Isaiah will [be] fulfilled on Zion's daughters for the Lord says there will be few left on the face of the earth for out of this people he will raise up people who will see Him in righteousness! We read in the Doctrine and Covenants where He says if we could only serve His son He could save us in His lower kingdom He could send angels to us.
My wish and prayer is that [the] 11 of those [children] who are baptized may keep the Sabbath Day Holy.
I will continue to write as my days are prolonged on the earth.